I haven't blogged in almost 6 months. I realized that I had kind of been using this to sort out my feelings from my break up, and once that was neatly sorted, I lost the urge to keep writing. I keep feeling a faint tug to keep sharing my thoughts with the ether though, and since it's a new year, I've decided to add blogging to my list of New Year's resolutions. (My other resolutions include doing yoga every day, drinking more water, and playing with my rats every day. I'm currently sitting on my bathroom floor while Pippin sits on my lap and Merry makes himself a nest in my pant leg.)
During a conversation with my dad a couple weeks ago, I told him that my happiness is not something he ever needs to worry about. I said, "Don't ever worry about me living a life that I don't love." I have a low threshold for unhappiness. I know my life has the potential to be fucking awesome, and I accept no less. I have periods of deep despair, anger, anxiety, of course. But I have never felt that anything happening to me was insurmountable. I will never settle. I will make myself temporarily miserable perhaps, fighting for something I want. But ultimately, I will either get what I want or realize it's not achievable.
I didn't realize this until the words started coming out of my mouth. But as they did, I knew, in my gut, without the tiniest shadow of a doubt, that my life is going to be good. I am going to be happy. Horrible things might happen to me, but I will always still find the good. Nothing can break me.
It's a good thing to know about myself.