Saturday, August 27, 2011

In the midst of a hurricane

I have had such a peaceful day today. Which surprises me a bit, because I had a sad goodbye last night.

Break ups are hard, always. Especially when you are cast in two back-to-back shows with the person you are breaking up with. In many ways, this summer was a wonderful transition for us. It forced us to see one another in a new kind of relationship, and smoothed the transition into friends. However, we both agree that it is important for us to experience the absence of one another's presence from our lives. And now that our summer of shows has ended, we are making that break.

I've learned to live without him in the romantic sense. He has become such an integral part of my life, though, that learning to live without that is going to be a whole different kind of shitty.

It's like break up: round two.

In a lot of ways, though, I think it will be a relief. There are a lot of things I still love about him, and seeing him every day has been a constant reminder of those things. This will give us both time and distance and space to accept (continue to accept) that this relationship, while wonderful in so many ways,  is ultimately not what will make us happy.

I spent today alone. My roommate and bee eff eff is in Connecticut, and I am trapped inside with the threat of a hurricane. Throw in the tearful goodbye last night, and it sounds like a recipe for moping all day. It's actually been really nice though. I snuggled with Kirby (my demon cat) on the couch while I read and sipped tea, I played with my rats for about an hour, I did yoga, I played my guitar. Now I'm sitting in the dark listening to Celtic music with the window cracked, listening to the wind and storm outside. Tomorrow morning I'm going to the farmer's market and buying apples in celebration of fall, hopefully spending some time with my dad. Good stuff.

I'm going to be fine.

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