Monday, July 25, 2011

In the Now

I am obsessed with the future. I think about it all the time, in all aspects of my life. I dream about the places I'll live, the next relationship I'll have, my wedding, starting a family, starting my own business, working with bigger theaters. I even spend a fair amount of time planning silly things, like what car I'll have next, or how I'll wear my hair when I get bored of this style, or what pets I'll have throughout my life. Part of this is a literal obsession. I was diagnosed with OCD at age 13, and while it is mild enough to keep from massively interfering with my life, it definitely is a contributing factor in my future obsession. A lot of it, I know is a very common "human nature" problem. So many of us dwell on the future or the past. This morning, sitting on my couch drinking silver chrysanthemum white tea, I reminded myself that here is good. Now is good. One day I'll live in the heart of the city, but now I have my apartment building with neighbors from all over the world, a great sense of community and a freaking pool. I'll be a small business owner and White House dog walker*, but now I love the freedom of just being an employee. I'll fall in love again, but right now I love seeing friends more frequently and having a rockin' bachelorette pad with my great roomie.
I want so badly to plan out my entire future, but this may be the last chance I get to really not know what that future will look like. There's a beautiful freedom in that, and I need to hang onto it while it's here... and then enjoy my story as it unfolds.

*I am deadly serious about this. I frequently take my most impressive looking walk of 6-7 large dogs, including 2 great danes, down busy 16th street. My hope is that one day, Barack Obama will ride by in his fleet of limos, see me, and say, "My word! That girl is astonishing! She must work for me and take Bo out for daily excursions!" And then I'll teach him the proper way to walk Bo... because I saw a picture of that dog dragging the president across the White House lawn one time, and I could definitely teach him a thing or two.
White House dog walker. It's going on my resume in the next 5 years. Get ready.

No comments:

Post a Comment