Wednesday, May 2, 2012

"Hi! Just wanted to wish you luck on your audition!"

Monday evening found me happily driving my little self to an audition. As I drove through the heart of Washington DC (which, as you may or may not know, has the worst traffic in the nation), I felt something on my face. Assuming it was a few strands of my crazy mop of curls, I shook my hair back from my face - but to no avail. After a few unsuccessful tries of this, I finally pulled down my mirror to see what was happening. And there, resting on my cheek, an inch under my eye and half an inch to the left of my nose, was a FUCKING SPIDER.

Now, let me just preface this by saying that I love spiders. I grew up playing with the bugs I found in the woods behind my house. I would rescue them from their dangerous outdoor lives, rehouse them in cozy, air-tight jars, lovingly feed them the freshest dirt, and then sob inconsolably when they mysteriously died in a 24 hour time span. I'm always the one to shriek "Don't hurt it!" and stop a conversation/rehearsal/make out session to gently carry little creepy-crawlies safely outside. I have saved numerous big, strong men from centipedes and giant beetles and wolf spiders.

However. When surprise face spiders make their presence known to me (and this wasn't a teeny tiny little guy either; it was about the size of my thumbnail), I pretty much react the way the rest of the spider-hating world does. I screamed "OH MY GOD GET THE HELL OFF ME!", smacked at my face and sent it careening off into the depths of my car, and almost took out the minivan to the right of me and two pedestrians.

I immediately called my sister and regaled my story of horror to her. She said the entire thing reminded her of the Misunderstood Spider.

I am seriously obsessed with this guy.

At the end of it all, I made it to my audition in one piece - although my monologue may have had a slightly hysterical note. Hopefully they'll think it was an inspired and unusual acting choice. I'm expecting a call offering me the part any minute now.


  1. Uh, that misunderstood spider link is amazing. He's kind of cute. Never thought I'd say that about a spider.

    1. Adorable, right? I think if more people saw it, there might be a little more spider love in the world.

  2. This is out of control. I am shuddering just thinking of this happening to me!